Toddlers are known to freak out with big fits and dramatic outbursts, but there are logical reasons behind their seemingly irrational explosions. Your toddler appears to have it made but in reality their world is even more stressful than yours at times. All it takes is a poorly positioned sock or a bad taste in their mouth and your toddler could burst into tears. Sometimes you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your own toddler, unsure what little thing is going to set them off next.
Thankfully, even if your toddler is driving you crazy with unpredictable tantrums, they are perfectly normal. There is so much inner turmoil going on within your toddler’s rapidly growing brain that it only makes sense they will freak out now and again. To them, it feels like the entire world is spinning out of control and they are not prepared with the proper coping mechanisms to deal. As a result, screaming, kicking or throwing objects across the room truly seems like the only resource they have to react to something they don’t like.
Newly Enforced Rules
These terrible toddler tantrums often coincide with the use of the word ‘no’ and the enforcement of rules. According to Alicia Lieberman, a professor of Infant Mental Health at the University of California, children perceive ‘no’ and other forms of punishment as a withdrawal of their parents’ love. In her book, The Emotional Life of the Toddler, she writes: “They don’t know your reasoning. They just know that something they were getting great pleasure from, all of a sudden, you are taking away.” Lieberman adds that something as simple as saying ‘no’ could spark feelings in toddlers strong enough to be compared to finding out your spouse has cheated on you.
That might sound rather dramatic, and it is, but that’s because your child has no way of talking themselves out of their feelings. As adults, we have developed our own coping mechanisms to talk ourselves out of feeling angry over something so that we don’t lose our cool on a regular basis. Toddlers have had no time to develop these sorts of skills, and the only thing they know to do is freak the heck out.
Blame The Gross Motor Skills For The Violent Outbreaks
If your child likes to kick and throw objects whenever they get upset you might be worried they will grow up to be violent, but that’s not necessarily true at all. In fact, it actually makes perfect sense why toddlers often resort to violent outbreaks. Here’s why: your toddler’s gross motor skills are the strongest thing they’ve currently got, hence why they instantly react by throwing or hitting things when provoked in some way. They see reacting in this manner as a way to problem solve, even though it’s not at all. They are still young and will learn over time there are far better ways to react.
The Frontal Lobe
Your child’s frontal lobe also plays a huge role in their seemingly irrational tantrums. The frontal lobe is vastly underdeveloped; in fact it won’t be fully developed until your child reaches into their early twenties. The frontal lobe is in charge of time, patience, and cause-and-effect. As a result, children tend to be impatient and struggle with calmly handling upsetting situations.
Due to an underdeveloped frontal lobe, children truly think they need things ‘NOW!’ They lack the development skills to understand waiting isn’t all that bad. This also impacts their ability to properly make decisions based on cause-and-effect, hence why kids are notorious for making poor decisions and need fairly constant supervision. There are some benefits to a partially developed frontal lobe, for instance it allows children to live more fully in the moment.
The Socialization Process
The socialization process takes years to fully occur and your toddler is only in the beginning stages of development. Our modern lifestyles don’t help with this any. Children used to grow up on farms, living outside and running around with animals. Today, we keep kids locked up inside running on wood floors instead of grass and playing with iPads instead of chickens and cows. This makes kids more prone to outbursts as they are not naturally wired to cope with this sort of existence.
The more time your toddler has to play with others and experience life the more they will grow up and stop pitching as many fits. Until then, it’s all about having patience and being strong enough to teach your child right from wrong, even if that means listening to them wail at the top of their lungs for 30-minutes straight. With time they will learn kicking, screaming and throwing tantrums does nothing to help their cause, and as a result they will find new, more productive ways of coping.
ABC Learning offers the highest quality Coral Springs daycare and preschool programs for children 12-months to 5-years. Contact us today to learn more!